We award the Elaine Williamson Dodgen Memorial Scholarship, named after a pretty special woman. We’d like to tell you about her.
My mother’s last words to me were “and to think I had you on purpose.” Teasing was common in our family. It’s how you know you’re one of us.
I don’t have time to tell you everything I’d like to about Elaine Dodgen. So what I’ll do instead is tell you what I think she would tell you if she were here.
Stand up for yourself.
My mom was a fighter. Throughout her life, she faced life’s challenges with a square jaw and a fire in her eye that withered even the most determined opposition. She had no time for cowards. If you won’t stand up for yourself, don’t expect anybody else to.
Commit
My mother understood commitment better than anyone I ever knew.
In 1960, Mom and Dad packed up a VW Beetle and left Texas for Rochester, NY. She worked as a secretary for Mass Mutual Insurance to pay the rent while Dad worked nights to pay his tuition. In 1971, with 2 small children, Mom decided to go get her own degree. Over the years, as Dad was promoted or transferred, she would take classes part time while she raised the family. She finally finished that degree in 1998. She was 62 years old. Education is important and you commit to what is important.
As a kid, there were frequent times when my mother would become frustrated with what we’ll call the discrepancy between her assessment of my potential and my actual performance in school. When my mother was unhappy, she made it clear, and during many of these conversations she would use the word “also ran”. If something is important, commit everything to doing it as well as you possibly can.
My parents were married for 44 years. They had their good times and bad. They laughed with each other and they also fought fiercely. But no matter what, they were committed to each other.
My father died of a disease called Progressive Supranuclear Palsy. It’s like a combination of Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, and ALS. It took his body and his mind in a slow, agonizing way that lasted nine years. Mom was there every day, because…. COMMIT.
Cuss like an admiral.
I am proud to say my mother cussed. Probably a strange thing to be proud of, I grant you. But her language was just indicative of her independence. She would be damned if she was going to let other people tell her what she could or couldn’t say. Now she had her standards. There were certainly words she would never use. Mild foul language was acceptable when the situation warranted. But really foul language was low class. If you’re going to cuss like a sailor, he should be an officer, preferably an admiral….well educated…from a good family…who looks good in a uniform.
Do what it takes.
Like every family, ours faced adversity at times. Adversity both builds and reveals character. When things were falling apart, there was nobody in the world you wanted in that foxhole with you than Elaine Dodgen. When adversity comes, you ACT. You limit the damage, and then you fight back.
Spend less than you make.
Mom was a child of the depression, and then later of a single mother. She used to tell the story that the first pair of new shoes she ever owned were the ones she got married in. She worked for every penny she ever earned, and she knew the value of them. We rarely ever ate fast food, because in her mind it was expensive. We paid cash for cars. We didn’t have cable TV, because broadcast TV was free. She wore out her library card. Money was to be saved for what was important, and you can’t save if you’ve spent it all.
Women do not make coffee
My mother worked in offices where women were called “honey” and “sweetie” and generally given menial tasks that were beneath the men. This included making the coffee. My mother’s last job was for the Palm Beach County Schools. She was secretary to the facilities director. During the interview, she told him “just one thing….I don’t make coffee”. Her soon to be boss, Vern, found that a strange statement. Secretaries made the coffee. It was a thing. Mom told him that she didn’t drink coffee, and the only reason she would ever be expected to make it was because she was a woman. To his credit, Vern saw her point. Her first week on the job, he called her into the breakroom. He said “I know you don’t make coffee. Do you suppose you could show ME how to make the coffee?”
Be 26
When I was about 6 years old, I asked my mother “how old are you”. “Twenty-six” she said. (she was not 26) “OK mom…when I’m 10, how old wil you be?” “Twenty six”, she replied. “When I’m 20..” I asked.
“I’ll be 26” she interrupted.
Mom turned 26 shortly after JFK was inaugurated, and passed away on June 19, 2020….at the age of 26.
Girls can be pilots
My sister tells a story about the three of us flying up to meet my dad in NY. Dad was a newly promoted bigwig, so the company paid for the family to fly first class. This meant that my sister (age 8) and I (age 11) got to tour the cockpit before the flight. After we returned to our seats, the stewardess brought me over a pair of wings to pin on my clothes. “These are your pilot’s wings” she said. She then handed Carol a pair and said “and these are your stewardess wings”. Mom took them from my sister and said “she’ll have the pilot’s wings, also”. The stewardess looked at my mother like she had just announced she was a communist.
Elaine Dodgen spent most of her life fighting tooth and nail for women simply to have equal chances. That’s why we offer the Elaine Williamson Dodgen scholarship.